HeyMercedesJax

Everyone knows job hunting online is the pits, so I figured an IRL career fair would be way better. Only to find that… this IRL business also sucks. Moral of the story: you just have to roll with the punches.

But I’m getting ahead of myself — let me take you back a bit.

Due to some physical and mental health needs I decided to quit my last job. It wasn’t a rash decision as I sat on it for a year before breaking the news to my manager. I stayed a month longer than planned due to my manager trying to convince me out of it but by that point I had already made up my mind. I was overworked, undervalued, and was told I wasn’t ready for the next level despite consistently doing next level work for free (bad decision I know, not having boundaries = no bueno). I had unknowingly been saving for my career break, stowing away money for no real reason at the time, but the amount I had saved was more than enough to cover me for 6 months to a year. I was able to majorly cut down expenses and I had watched and read enough about career breaks to realize that for me, in this time of my life, the pros of quitting greatly outweighed the cons.

So in January 2024, I bounced. The first week was euphoric. I was high on sticking to my guns and actually going through with it. The next few days after that, I felt lost. I’ve been working since my freshman year of college and suddenly not working was a huge identity crisis — who was I, if not an employee or a student? I had planned to do absolutely nothing for my first month on break but quickly dashed that in favor of getting busy doing something. And so, I picked up more time in the gym, started Spanish lessons, took up some math classes on Khan Academy and even started freelancing. But then, within a month, I got tired again. I had veered from the original plan to get myself together. So I hit a U-turn and set myself on the right track, focusing on taking care of my mind and my health and just enjoying life.

I maintained the whole exercising bit as the gym had become a habit but I made sure to travel, often visiting friends who lived further away. I took a trip to New Orleans and went to more concerts than I can count. I spent more time with my family and really dug deep into who I am and what I want. Admittedly, I still don’t know the answer to either of those questions but, I do feel like I’m closer to it than I’ve ever been. I’d be lying if I said I still didn’t struggle with not being productive; I found myself peeking at job boards and often considered applying to part-time gigs that had nothing to do with my degree or experience. Just something small that would provide some cash and something to do. I was directionless, just kind of pecking at anything that seemed cool enough.

And then, my grandmother passed on July 23. It was and still is a shock to me. We were close, especially in my pre-teen and teenage years and knowing that she isn’t here has sparked a sadness and questioning that almost a month later I haven’t been able to shake. Her loss was unexpected and has caused a ripple of emotions and revelations within myself and my family. It’s put some things into perspective for me, particularly around the many ways I hold myself back out of fear and ego and I can’t help but to keep replaying in my mind the last conversation I had with my grandma where she told me to “never let pride get in the way.”

I’ve always applied for jobs that were below my station. Fearing that I didn’t have what it took to be a leader at a new company and being too prideful to admit that I was embarrassed at the idea of campaigning for a higher role at my current workplaces, not get them and all of my coworkers seeing me fail. I kept waiting for others to just move me up without me really pitching for it. But I felt a sort of new energy, a desire to live a life grandma was expecting of me. I decided I was going to virtually march up to the doors of LinkedIn and Wellfound and get the Director/VP roles I deserved! I was ready! I was prepared! I was hype!

But the girls aren’t lying when they say this job market is tough. I haven’t applied to 100s of jobs like I see others do, but I have applied to enough to know that rejection emails are a lot kinder than ghosting and my incredible education, experience, and communication style wasn’t pushing me through the doors I had expected. To be honest, half of the time, I have no idea if my application even made it through let alone if the recruiter or hiring manager found my cover letter amusing or personable.

This online search sucked, so when I saw an ad for a career fair, it seemed like an interesting enough idea. It would allow me to say my cover letter out loud to recruiters as opposed to typing it and through a combination of my winning personality and my skills I knew I’d be a shoe-in; swimming in new opportunities. The day of the fair, I took myself to Staples, printed out copies of my sparkling resume and hit the town with a cute work outfit ready to take the day! And then, I hit the corner and saw a line of job seekers also dressed in their Sunday best with their resumes in tow, wrapping the city block several times over.

I was shook! I had seen enough of these stories of business owners decrying that no one wants to work, but that was nowhere close to what I was seeing in that moment. Here were people of all backgrounds and lifestyles lined up hoping for the same opportunities I was hoping for. A chance to connect person-to-person and actually get somewhere closer to a job than the ATS death machine allowed. But this IRL process was the same if not more brutal. Every table told us to apply online, majority didn’t accept paper resumes, and many were being represented by interns — not recruiters. Some couldn’t even tell you what positions were open (“scan our QR code!”) and even worse some admittedly had no roles, they were just there to gather potential interviewees for potential openings that may allegedly come in the future.

To say I was disappointed is an understatement. There were little silver linings (I did connect with 1 or 2 employers but haven’t heard anything since) but overall it was disheartening to see how many people were looking for jobs that just simply didn’t exist or were so hyper specific that it’s clear they already had a person in mind for the job, they just have to post the opening first to avoid lawsuits. Overhearing other people’s convos, I gathered that there were people there who were recently laid off, people who had been searching for work for months if not over a year, young people who were looking for jobs to support their education and/or their families, people who were just curious and wanted to see what the market had to offer and then people like me who were ready to work but were quickly realizing there were more obstacles than they imagined.

I left in a haze of blues, but after a superb green smoothie and a GoMacro bar I kind of shrugged it off. Yes, the career fair sucked, but in a way it was kind of positive too. It helped me feel less alone. Sure, there are YouTube videos and LinkedIn posts that describe the woes of looking for employment, but there’s something to being in person, in-community with others who are similar to you. That sparked something in me that led me to look more into volunteer opportunities. I’m still applying for roles and looking for opportunities, but if I can’t get a job right away I can still be productive and in service to others as I try to figure out my next steps in life. I’m also tapping more into my creative side — posting more regularly here and trying to get back into my instagram (follow ya girl: @heymercedesjax). I do not regret my decision to take a break — this time off was needed and I can only assume that this interesting job search is needed too. I have no idea where this is going to end up, but I’m excited about the journey there.